It’s a breakthrough. It was a long time coming but it was inevitable. We finally had this discussion about where things went wrong. Let’s start with a excerpt of what I wrote.
the biggest frustration and source of angst for me was the fact that you were never really open to having a relationship with me. even though i felt there were very strong feelings that warrant it (it’s undeniable we had some kind of synchronicity). i tried asking a couple of times. you also never really qualified how you felt for me. so it was kind of doomed from the start.
Plus this loaded one.
if you meet some again/have already met someone that you really like, that you can envision having a relationship with, even with distance or whatever perceived challenges, please give it a chance. please fight for it. or let the other party fight for it.
And a quote from his last response.
I think the one issue that stuck in my head was being monogamous in a long-distance relationship. I just don’t think I could do that. And, monogamy is very important to me. We absolutely had/have an intellectual connection. Our shared passion for art and music is undeniable. But not being able to share that in person would have been very difficult for me. My ideal moments are ending a long work day, making a nice dinner for each other, then chatting and maybe watch a movie or tv show together. Sharing those simple things are aspects of a relationship that I truly cherish. And, if that can’t be done on a regular basis I think I’d find it too painful. The longing to be with my partner would just overwhelm me and probably make me depressed.
So yes, undoubtedly we have a connection. But, the distance in between us and the legal/logistical hurdles to make it a reality were just too daunting for me to pursue the relationship. I think the second time you tried to get a visa and they denied you was the deal-breaking moment for me. It just felt like there was a massive wall between us that could not be scaled. So it unfolded as it did. I cannot say if that was the best choice or route to take but it happened that way. For me, working together was a way for us to stay connected.
It’s clear that we weren’t on the same boat from the start. While the emotional and intellectual connections were there, the principles clashed. I always believed anything is negotiable. But both parties have to be open to compromise.
As for staying friendly/friends and continue sharing passions, I don’t think that’s healthy for me. I will eventually have to sever ties.
Distance is a small challenge. You could always build bridges.